I’ve been having trouble regaining my interest in posting on this blog. I’ve kind of felt this way since I returned from Spain. I’m not sure if it’s because I had very limited access to the internet through my Iphone and realized what an unnecessary part of my life it is, or because I was just so blown away by the paintings I saw in Madrid, that it just made me feel small. The internet seems to have the ability to give a false sense of connectedness to the rest of the world, and lately I’ve felt the need to be alone, to spread my time less amongst the people I know, and more with myself.
I’ve been going through a transitional stage. My parents have been married for 30 years and recently decided to get a divorce which finalized this past weekend. It’s caused me to reconsider my belief system, and in doing so has made me consolidate what I find important and in general, care less about my own congeniality.
This reconsideration of belief is coming out in my paintings as a sort of emptying of the body. The mass of the body in some cases has become transparent, the forms have holes in them, ghosts and cloud figures keep reoccurring… This all makes a lot of sense, but overall I’ve been feeling somewhat unsatisfied with the work. I like the idea of what I’m making, but I never finish a painting, and feel like I haven’t figured out how to push the paint far enough.
This unsatisfied feeling is a somewhat neurotic problem I’ve had most of my life. Where there is a constant attempt to find meaning in things while understanding that there is no inherent meaning in anything. My parents togetherness has been symbolic for me these first three decades of my life, it held meaning, things to believe in. Art, and specifically painting, feels hard to believe in as it’s the people who make it, look at it, talk/write about it, promote it, etc. that give it it’s meaning. Perhaps it’s time to let go of the belief that i am responsible for all the meaning in my own work. On that note I cast you some new images of the most recent paintings I’ve been working on in the studio.