Today was my last day at work. I’m leaving in three days to go to a residency at the Vermont Studio Center. At the end of my shift I took a minute to do a final white board drawing for all my co-workers. Even though we were told not to draw on that white board I thought I’d take liberty on my last day.
I feel all this upheaval in my life right now. I know I’m making decisions that are good for my future, but change seems to be so overwhelming for a person. I don’t exactly understand why this is. Perhaps a large part of this is our fear of the unknown. Also, there’s something about us that is attracted to routine. I’ve always tried to push myself away from that idea, especially in painting, but I think it’s something that creeps up on you before you know it and you really have to re-look at yourself objectively in order to consciously take yourself out of a routine and change your situation.
Currently I know it’s time to leave my job and take steps in further pursuance of my art career. I feel like it’s easy to take for granted that you work with a group of people every day and build relationships, they become engrained in your daily routine, and then one day you leave or someone else leaves, and dynamics change. It’s unsettling, but inevitable. Bittersweet maybe. I’ve always felt that change is unavoidable, e.g., we’re all aging. Perhaps its drastic changes that we’re less acclimated for and fearful of. That said, I’m usually believe that change is good- although that’s a pretty vauge statement. What I mean to say is that I prefer to have an optimistic outlook.
I made this at work with just the tension of the boxes fitting inside each other, there’s no glue. My friend Heather White wrote the quote below about something unrelated, but it felt fitting.
“So I was thinking about these sad circles, and how they’re like tracks, hard to get out of. I was picturing circles encountering each other awkwardly. Thinking about how maybe the closest they really get to affecting eachother is like the way gears do.”