I’m working on this new animation and doing these heart paintings, but it doesn’t feel like I’m painting anymore; these two projects differ from my usual process. A big part of this has to do with their ends. The process of making the animation becomes very arduous and boring as I paint each frame, and know where things are going. And painting the lambs heart from observation kind of has the same feeling in that I’m looking at the thing I’m trying to replicate in paint, so I also know roughly where that’s going. But when I work on my abstract paintings, I don’t know where things will end up. Decisions are made on a very intuitive level, and I have to kind of read the painting as I’m making it. Eventually, I arrive at some conclusion, but I am usually doubtful of it’s arrival.
I am always rocking back and forth between these two kinds of processes. On one hand it’s important to feel like you have something, that there is an end or goal in sight. On the other, this feels like this can be rigid, and I need to let go of rules and the idea of an end product. More and more I want to meld these processes, but it’s hard finding that balance. Doing animations that show how the abstract paintings evolve seems like a way to do this, but even that kind of changes how I’m approaching the work because I have to interrupt myself every second to take another picture. I don’t really like making the animations, but I do like how they look, and how they breakdown the process for the viewer. I think eventually they might help towards explaining the work in a larger capacity.
I’m becoming less interested in these heart paintings, but I continue forcing myself to do them, this one seems less cared for than the last one. I haven’t been painting them consecutively, I took a few days off since painting the last one. It’s amazing how stopping for just a couple days can throw you off.